Doing More for the Other Person

Kay, Lillian and I made our way home to Florida following my discharge from the Navy in the summer of 1976. Kay was offered a contract to teach elementary school in Crystal River, 17 miles from our home in Inverness. Monday through Friday, Kay would make the drive accompanied by Lillian who enjoyed a superb day care not far from the school campus. Not only was there a little girl to love and take care of, there were lesson plans, grading papers, kitchen duty and serving as the organist at the First United Methodist Church where Kay was nurtured in the faith as a child. Needless to say, as we watch the news and see reports of families trying to adjust to the new schedule that includes parenting, teaching and working from home, taking care of household duties and chores, Kay was extremely busy through the week as a single parent. There are only so many hours in a day. Right?

While Kay was parenting, teaching and keeping the home fires burning, I was 90 miles away attending class at Florida Southern College in Lakeland. Kay’s brother Gene had previously served on the faculty as a professor of Military Science and Kay had attended the college for three years before we were married in June of 1973, graduating a year later from the College of Charleston. During the week, I would usually arrive at the library no later than 8:30 in the morning and call it a day when it closed around 10 o’clock at night. Otherwise, I was in class. It was a rigorous and intense schedule, but a good one. After all that time in the college library, I developed a love for libraries and books that exists to this day.

On Friday afternoons I would arrive home before Kay and Lillian who usually rolled in around 5:30 or so. My Greek class was over around 12:30 and I would immediately hit the road and pull in the driveway somewhere around 2. Before going to work (I had a weekend job to supplement Kay’s salary and the GI Bill), I would spend a little time tidying up the house, which I very much enjoyed because it gave me some time to unwind and transition into the weekend and being home with the family. Plus, it helped Kay, too.

There is one particular Friday afternoon that sticks out from all the others. I happened to be gazing out the living room window and saw Kay and Lillian coming around the corner. As Kay was assisting Lillian out of the car I ran outside and startled my beloved wife when I said, “You wouldn’t believe what happened this afternoon.” “What happened?” Kay asked. “When I arrived home there was a deputy sheriff waiting for me at the front door.” Poor Kay. If you could only have seen her face. The concern. The anxiety. The mystery surrounding the whole situation. And this is where I should have stopped, but oh no I kept going. Relating the incident to Kay I said, “When I approached the front door step I asked the deputy if something was wrong.” And the deputy said he had been inside the house looking for Kay’s fingerprints on the vacuum cleaner and couldn’t find any.” I don’t remember what happened next. I don’t even remember where I slept Friday, Saturday or Sunday night. Needless to say, it took me a while to redeem myself.

Kay is a strong woman and I guess that should not come as a surprise especially since she has put up with someone like me for nearly 48 years. There is a passage in Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesus where he makes the point that wives are subject to their husbands, and the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church. There are many Christian households who follow this edict, but this can be a tragic mistake that can lead to significant problems if one doesn’t read further into the letter.

Paul also wrote that a husband should love and care for his wife just as Christ loved and serves the church. We all know how Christ loved and served the church. He was nailed to a cross because he loves us. The point is this. Kay and I have never argued, fussed or debated the subject about who is the head of the house. Through the years we have always enjoyed the grace of working in concert with one another. At this juncture, I think it important to note the counsel of Tony Campolo who advises married couples to practice the 60/40 Rule. Campolo believes that when you have two people in a marriage who are motivated to do more for the other person than what they might expect in return, you have a happy marriage. Married for almost five decades, I believe the rule/formula works. I tease and “cut the fool,” but I’ve never met a sweeter, kind-spirited person in my life (except for a Friday afternoon a long time ago. I never did that again!)

The week is passing quickly/ There are a lot of mixed messages out there about when things might change and get back to some sense of normality. In the meantime, our health care workers continue to work around the clock along with law enforcement and first responders. May the Lord lift them up and give them a resilient spirit. And for the many people who find themselves unemployed and those who fear being furloughed some time in the future. may there be a brighter day around the corner. All of you are in my heart and in prayers. I mean that. Testing, vaccines, new medicines and proper protocol. May it all happen soon. Very soon. And may we soon return to the places where we work and make a living. The places where we experience community and a sense of purpose. Lord Jesus, please take care of family and friends, loved ones and neighbors who are facing a tough time and let all of us tie a knot at the end of our rope and in the name of Christ do the only thing we know how to do, and that’s to hold on for dear life. Amen. +

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Steve Keeler, Pastor